wrapped up in my thoughts

you wanna know how you know that you have horrible anxiety and depression problems? when you get mad/upset with yourself for wanting to actually read the chapters in your book and staying up late to do so even though you don’t have class till 2 so you have a lot of time to kill. I honestly will sit and tell myself that everyone is judging me and thinking im crazy for actually wanting to read and be ready for class when in reality, for me to truly learn and understand, that is what is necessary. I know what I need to do because I am learning from my mistakes last semester and if people want to “judge me” in my imagination then go for it. I am taking control and no one, not even the negative thoughts in my head is going to tell me that I cant. just gotta stay on track and remember why im even in school.

And so it begins..

3 classes today plus my sorority chapter meeting and dinner and now its time to start my reading for my 3 classes tomorrow and my first ever job interview…its for on campus desk job but still IT’S A JOB PEOPLE!!! Anyway, im about to fill in all my important dates from all my different class syllabus’s or is it syllabi? obviously me getting my English credits done in AP classes in high school did not help me out since I can’t even spell. well anyway, all those dates are going into my planner (aka the love of my life) and its going to remind me that I am a pre med major and I have no life….crazy of me to even think otherwise..even for the month long break we had..silly me. I don’t even think the breaks over cause I have yet to unpack all the way because unpacking means that im no longer on vacation. I don’t like that….this is my worst blog yet in my whole 24 hour blogging career that I have had so far..which by the way, everyone is so awesome because the amount of likes and followers just on my first day of blogging EVER is so cool!! Like do y’all even read my random sentences that do not even make sense and probably run on for forever? Im just typing how I would talk and that’s a lot and fast with a lisp..okay guys my ADD is taking over me now…off to my pile of books. Ill probably blog again later complaining about school or just cause a random thought popped in my head.



Syllabus week is over and this semester is awesome

So yesterday was the first day of the spring semester for my freshman year of college. In two days, I have witnessed things that made me just laugh at life. Some people just really could not care what others think and I wish I was exactly like them. So here we go..my observations for the oh so dreaded syllabus “week” (2 days):

  • the usual skateboarder going way too fast around campus actually got close to being hit today…he must still be rusty from the break.
  • my philosophy teacher opened up class with telling the guys in the class to hit on the girls they found attractive in the class then left for 15 minutes and came back to take roll..then ended class.
  • my sociology teacher had the whole (200 people) class say where they are from, their major, and a typical stereotype about them…it was entertaining to say the least.
  • the kid that played the ukulele and sang in my math class last semester, is still roaming campus singing and playing his ukulele…I wish I could tell him how much I appreciate him doing that because it makes me instantly happy.
  • somehow I ended up having someone I know in every single one of my classes and I am taking 17 hours so I have a lot of classes..funny how in a campus of 30,000 the world is still so small.
  • I have a good amount of 40+ people in my classes which is always inspiring to me cause that takes some work to come back to school and deal with college kids…I could not do it.
  • Last but for sure not least, I was up late last night as I usually am, and I received an email from my university saying that there had been a bomb threat at a dorm down the road from me on campus. the news came. sirens were blaring all night. bomb squad invaded. no bomb…..but don’t worry they found out everything was good right before class was about to start. If you wanted to do a fake bomb threat then at least help us out and get some classes cancelled. I mean its only day 2 but some people handle stress in weird ways.

Needless to say, due to the fact that this semester is mostly to finish up all my random core classes, it will definitely be interesting but one for the books. Learning to see things in a new light is going to be just what I need. College is no joke kids…but its still entertaining as hell..unless you’re not doing what you need to do in school..then you just have problems left and right. school 1st. class and on campus is where all the funny/crazy/influential things happen anyway.

Back when I totally misunderstood photography

these are old pictures I took when I first began with my photography journey. I completely misunderstood what photography really was..I just thought it was taking a decent looking, clear picture and then editing it on photoshop to make it look cool. Now I understand that photography is working with your camera and changing your position, camera settings, lens, filters, etc. to get a good shot and that editing is simply used for minor fixes. If only way too eager to be the greatest photographer known to man kind 16 year old me would have sat down and actually learned the true canon rebel ways of life, I would be 3 years more advanced than I am now. No laughing at these pics. I was 16 okay?!?!

Netflix+ADD+too many good shows=no life

ImageObviously we all love Netflix and all the amazing tv shows that are on there but when does it stop?!?! I am caught in the middle here. I have started and not finished due to wanting to watch one of the other amazing shows the following series:

  • one tree hill
  • Friday night lights
  • don’t trust the bitch in apt 23
  • carrie diaries
  • glee
  • Weeds

So the shows I have actually finished are all just obvious because they are the best shows ever created:

  • gossip girl
  • 90210
  • orange is the new black
  • pretty much every law & order SVU and CSI
  • Pretty little liars (still has new episodes)
  • Vampire Diaries (still has new episodes)

Now im just stuck..stuck sitting in a frustration of which show I should finish or starting a new show..Netflix really doesn’t understand what it does to us with its absolute perfection. This summer will have to be scheduled around finishing all these shows and also the other shows I haven’t started but want to. phew. I have typed this while watching Glee..can syllabus week just end so I can stop posting pathetic posts about how I my main issue in life is Netflix.

Daily Prompt: Singular Sensation

Daily Prompt: Singular Sensation.

Harry Styles. tell him I love him and that he’s beautiful. Im 18 and I love Harry Styles and its okay. Also, Taylor Swift is my other person who I would want which is pretty ironic…my two favorite celebrities are ex lovers that don’t like each other..at all. I honestly don’t know who I would choose if they made me..probably Taylor. She’s been my #1 and hoes before bros.

wow..I just had an argument with myself about harry styles and taylor swift..


College study tips and tricks

school is bad enough, but college is a whole new ball park. Having to figure out what homework to do when or even how to do homework is a struggle. Ive learned for my biology (biology major) that its best to re read the chapters and almost teach your self. I also go on youtube and try and find other professors discussing the same topic I am learning. Anyone else have any tips? I know there are some people out there with crazy yet successful methods. People laugh at my 500 card stacks of hand made flash cards but when they’re trying to memorize the review straight from the review, they fail. anyway, anyone have advice??



confessions of a shopaholic

  • Imagegroupon– local deals on items, events, classes, etc. also has online coupons for almost every store
  • hautelook– nordstroms discount site that has certain “events” that sell specific items
  • Amazon– do I even have to explain this one?
  • gilt– similar to hautelook but has upper class brands (prada, hermes, rolex, etc)
  • etsy– online “mall” full of individually owned shops. good for personalized gifts
  • rue la la– just like hautelook
  • beyond the rack– just like hautelook ad rue la la

these are just a few websites I have discovered with my new found obsession for online shopping and deals. I really want to learn how to actually be a coupon queen, but that takes a lot of effort….eh. Anyone else have other sites or couponing tricks? help a college girl on a budget out!



Flipped upside down..my feet cant touch the ground

Leaving for college my fall semester of my freshman year was something I had dreamed about for years now. I was finally going off to play division 1 college soccer and go to college and party every night..duh.  well after 3 weeks of non stop fitness, puking, crying to my boyfriend and parents every night, and losing a total of 10 pounds, I decided that I no longer truly loved soccer anymore and quit the week before school started and immediately signed up for sorority recruitment which is what I truly wanted but soccer would not allow it. I ended up joining Chi Omega and fell in love with everyone in my sorority. not too long after that I began to fade..I began to isolate myself and then get anxiety attacks because I thought all my friends hated me since I never hung out with anyone anymore. just me, my bed, and my homework. Finals came around and the 3.6 I had calculated and could easily accomplish quickly dropped to maybe getting a 3.3. I had 4 panic attacks during finals and immediately got put on anti-depressants to go along with my ADHD medicine. I ended the semester with a 2.93 which is the lowest GPA I have ever gotten. Now my 2nd day into my spring semester, I am currently awaiting the verdict from 2 schools in my hometown so I can transfer next fall and live at home. I have been diagnosed with depression and severe ADHD. Happiness seems like such a thing in the past for me now and even though I try and overcome what I am going through, I can see the pain in the eyes of the people that love me as they see what is happening to me. Although, I am still not back to my old self, I know I have made an extreme amount of progress from just 2 months ago. I get chills thinking about my panic attacks and having to fall into my dad’s arms attempting to catch myself from fainting. I will never forget how my dad looked at me that night. His little girl was no longer his happy, innocent, babygirl. My family is my support system. My boyfriend and best friend is my rock. Without them, I would not be ready to tack on this semester and control my emotions. Things change. We change. But God only deals us the cards that he knows we can handle.