Flipped upside down..my feet cant touch the ground

Leaving for college my fall semester of my freshman year was something I had dreamed about for years now. I was finally going off to play division 1 college soccer and go to college and party every night..duh.  well after 3 weeks of non stop fitness, puking, crying to my boyfriend and parents every night, and losing a total of 10 pounds, I decided that I no longer truly loved soccer anymore and quit the week before school started and immediately signed up for sorority recruitment which is what I truly wanted but soccer would not allow it. I ended up joining Chi Omega and fell in love with everyone in my sorority. not too long after that I began to fade..I began to isolate myself and then get anxiety attacks because I thought all my friends hated me since I never hung out with anyone anymore. just me, my bed, and my homework. Finals came around and the 3.6 I had calculated and could easily accomplish quickly dropped to maybe getting a 3.3. I had 4 panic attacks during finals and immediately got put on anti-depressants to go along with my ADHD medicine. I ended the semester with a 2.93 which is the lowest GPA I have ever gotten. Now my 2nd day into my spring semester, I am currently awaiting the verdict from 2 schools in my hometown so I can transfer next fall and live at home. I have been diagnosed with depression and severe ADHD. Happiness seems like such a thing in the past for me now and even though I try and overcome what I am going through, I can see the pain in the eyes of the people that love me as they see what is happening to me. Although, I am still not back to my old self, I know I have made an extreme amount of progress from just 2 months ago. I get chills thinking about my panic attacks and having to fall into my dad’s arms attempting to catch myself from fainting. I will never forget how my dad looked at me that night. His little girl was no longer his happy, innocent, babygirl. My family is my support system. My boyfriend and best friend is my rock. Without them, I would not be ready to tack on this semester and control my emotions. Things change. We change. But God only deals us the cards that he knows we can handle.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s